Quotes of the XXVII Olympiad

"So, what part of the States are you from?"
"The Canadian part."

--my typical response

"No, it was too far."
"Wait a second..."

--no one ever bought my reason for not going to the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta [Granted, it makes even less sense when one considers that I was actually in Melbourne during that Olympiad.]

"It really is a good show..."

--I try to explain why The West Wing won so many Emmys, since it had yet to air in Australia at the time

"She handled Russian men's balls all afternoon."

--I mention what Deb Single was up to...she was ball-boy for the Russian men's hockey team! [What did you think I meant?]

"Do you have ants in Canada?"

--the strangest question I received

"You wouldn't happen to have any underarm deodorant, would you?"

--close second, since I was on-shift at the time

"So, you're staying at the Olympic Village, then?"

--the most preposterous question I received

"This is an Olympic final!"

--Korean table tennis fan, indignant that spectators were allowed to get out of their seats during one of the gold-medal matches

"It's a spectacle of multitude--the teeming masses, the Olympic horde, if you will...the international language of sheep."

--I try to describe seeing 250 000 people walking in my direction

"I have to watch out for birds and low-flying planes at this altitude."

--I assess the seating in the third row from the top at Stadium Australia

"Considering it's the Olympic McDonald's, it hardly has an Olympic-sized selection."

--I assess McDonald's Central in Sydney Olympic Park

"Aw, shit! She's gone..."

--NBC producer on her mobile phone, pissed off that she lost track of crying US Taekwondo competitor Kay Poe [I chose not to let the producer know where Kay went.]

"Those two stand on the shoulders of the giant that is Al Roker."

--I give my opinion of Matt Lauer and Katie Couric while standing in the crowd for The Today Show

"You the man, Tommy!"

--I show my support for Tommy Lasorda as he's being interviewed for Today

"What A Difference 'G'Day' Makes"

--I imagine the sort of sign I would've made for my stint in the Today crowd, if that stint hadn't been an impulse decision

"Is there an Official Condom of the Sydney 2000 Olympic Games?"

--I ask a legitimate question [As it turns out, there was.]

"Je pense que vous devez aller au Village des Athlètes..."

--I do my best to help Morocco's Team Manager

"Olympic Lesson #14: I cannot do everything that an Olympic athlete can."

--I draw a moral from (messily) failing to climb a fence that had just been scaled by three Swedish athletes

"We're earning our pasta and rice now!"

--said during a busy period, in reference to one of the many rewards received by volunteers

"See those two old people down at the bottom in the blue sweatshirts? That's them."

--SOBO producer Barry Norman points out the King and Queen of Sweden to me

"I am the end of time!"

--said as I looked out over the Sydney skyline from the top of Kronos Hill in Sydney Olympic Park [That one's for all you Highlander fans out there.]

"Kebabs...the hangover food of champions."

--overheard on my way to a volunteer shift

"C'mon...be Henry Kissinger!"

--I will someone to be who he appears to be

"I didn't think you'd be here..."

--a smiling Dominique Bosshart (Canada, Bronze Medal, Taekwondo), coming out of the Press Conference Room, on seeing that the fellow Winnipegger whom she'd met earlier had made it to her medal presentation after all

"Come on, boys--let's take our shirts off and snap a photo!"

--overheard at the volunteers' wrap party

"Well, if he's the Prince of Orange, I'm the Duke of Purple."

--my reply to Protocol Officer Ming-Celine Dubosq, as she described some of the dignitaries she met while fulfilling her duties

"Nothing says 'Men's Marathon' like the Vengaboys."

--I comment on one of the musical selections accompanying said event at Stadium Australia

"Every Closing Ceremony needs Priscilla, Queen of the Desert."

--I state my honest opinion

"Well, any country that can produce an artist like Tina Arena can't be all bad."

--I assess the calibre of Australia's music industry while at the Closing Ceremonies, shortly before singing along to Men At Work's "Down Under"

"Mosh the chicken!"

--said during the Closing Ceremonies, when the odd-looking inflated chicken was being bounced amongst the athletes

"Allotment Team: 'We Bedded Them All'"

--sign seen at the Volunteer Appreciation Parade in downtown Sydney

"I'm afraid that wasn't nearly as mindless as I was hoping for."

--one of the Paralympic Equestrian athletes from Bermuda, on discovering that David Roche's play The Church of 80% Sincerity was deeper than she'd expected

"I am so over the Olympics!"

--Deborah Single