A Lexicon of Edgarisms and Arphaxioms

The following is a helpful glossary of words and phrases that I have invented or otherwise co-opted from other sources to compensate for the meager limitations of the English language as most people know it. However, this list does not include slang terms (especially expletives, such as gorram, krunk, smeg, or yotz) which I use but were invented by specific pop-cultural icons. With luck, this will help you through some of those times when I make little or no sense to those around me. Ironically, you may have stumbled onto the most enlightening part of my homepage by choosing to come here....

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n. one who is angst-ridden; often preceded by "Victorian," e.g. Philip Carey in Of Human Bondage, Jude Fawley in Jude the Obscure.
n. an idiomatic expression coined by Edgar Governo to express what he feels is a self-evident truth (see below). [Arphaxad online nickname + axiom]
n. one who admires or loves Australia and Australian language, culture, etc. [Australo- + -phile, deriv. Anglophile]
--Australophilia n.
v. to travel in a remote area without reliable cartographic or communications equipment, as the characters in The Blair Witch Project do: I may have spent a good deal of time travelling around Australia, but I wasn't exactly blairwitching it through the outback.
adj. abnormally or irrationally fearful of Roman Catholicism; often disguised through hostility towards said religion. [Catholic + -phobic, deriv. homophobic]
--Catholiphobia n.
n. any online environment, esp. where one-on-one dialogue occurs: I'd been talking to her for years on the clackety-clack before we finally met in person. [onomatopoeia associated with the sound of typing on a keyboard]
Cool Theatre People
n.pl. the overwhelmingly friendly, creative, and generally cool people who are involved in and associated with the world of theatre, esp. in Winnipeg and at the University of Manitoba: I spent most of the afternoon hanging out with the Cool Theatre People in the lounge.
December 7, 1991
Coined in a conversation on December 14, 1994 with someone who is three years and seven days older than I am, to describe how little I had done compared to her; currently used as a general reminder of how much I have yet to accomplish in life.
Depression Logic
n. A particular method of reasoning and argumentation used to justify pessimism; often used to convince another person that one's life is worse than theirs, and that it cannot be improved.
n. the...unique...style of dancing employed by Canadian Maritime singer Damhnait Doyle, which looks similar to aerobics. [coined and subsequently used in her presence on May 11, 1996]
n. a mid-afternoon meal that serves as neither lunch nor dinner, but a partial combination of the two. [d(inner + l)unch, deriv. brunch]
n. an idiosyncratic term invented or adapted by Edgar Governo to express a sentiment more accurately or precisely: That's not a "real" word, it's just an Edgarism.
v. searching the Web for links or information pertaining only to yourself: In other words, you were just ego-surfing when you entered your own name into that search engine. [coined by Virginia May, and used with permission]
n. the philosophy that all humans are fundamentally similar, and that the differences between them are ultimately negligible.
1. n. one who believes in and follows the principles of equalism, esp. one who successfully challenges others to re-evaluate their assumptions and prejudices.
2. adj. of or pertaining to equalism: I like Meshell Ndegeocello because she puts across an equalist viewpoint in her music.
Everybody Movie
n. a film in which most of the actors, even those who play relatively minor characters, are stars or at least recognisable to the occasional moviegoer, e.g. The Outsiders, the quintessential Everybody Movie; used only when this is done unintentionally: While The Shadow can be called an Everybody Movie, The Player cannot.
--Everybody Episode n. is derived from this term, and applies appropriately to television series: "The Outrageous Okona" is the definitive Everybody Episode of Star Trek: The Next Generation.
n. a state of confounded astonishment: When I heard the news, I could hardly contain my flabbergastion. [flabbergast + -ion]
funky chicken
Slang. synonym for "cool," often spoken in moderate surprise: What do we have here? Well, funky chicken... [< Disco Era dance craze]
(ga-kee) Slang. expression of great incredulity or amazement: Gaki! How did that happen? [< pseudonym of Akutagawa Ryunosuke (1892-1927), author of "Rashomon"]
n. the gay/lesbian/bisexual community as a whole; used in both connotations, as an influential collective and a group that can have a tendency towards isolating itself. [gay + -dom, deriv. fandom SF community term]
Generic American City
n. a fictional municipality in the United States which serves as the main setting for a film or television series but has no distinctive qualities of its own, often because it was actually filmed in a Canadian city; usually, but not always, nameless, e.g. Seacouver in Highlander: The Series, Cascade in The Sentinel.
n. Governo's Law of Online Social Stimulus, asserting that the amount of response to something one posts online is inversely proportional to the amount of time and thought one puts into posting it: That squee thread was a classic example of GLOSS if I've ever seen one. [phenomenon first described in relation to Usenet ca. 1998; law formally coined and elucidated in a LiveJournal entry on April 1, 2008]
100K Club, The
Archaic Online. The select group of people whose IRC log files occupied more than 100 kilobytes of memory on my personal hard drive. Beyond the literal definition, being a member of this club signified that I considered someone a close online friend. Also, The 200K Club, The 300K Club, etc.
1. adj. excessively advertised and/or praised, to the point where one actually wishes to avoid the object or subject in question.
2. hyper-hype v. to overly advertise in such a way; to praise to hyperbole.
intelligence anxiety
n. a distressed feeling about the perception of one's intelligence by others and the priority of proving that intelligence, occasionally manifested in obnoxious displays of mental prowess: She felt the need to recite pi to one hundred places due to a serious case of intelligence anxiety.
n. a fictional mixed dish whose consumption causes one to behave in an abrasive and/or doltish manner: That guy obviously had way too much jackasserole before going to work today. [jackass + casserole; coined by Scott Lockhart in May 2002 whilst on a trip to Chicago with me, and used with permission]
(kuh-dee-vuh) n. an instance or period of being seriously upset in some way: I was so surprised when I heard the news that I almost had a kadiva over here. [< Mock Yiddish < Mock Swedish, cf. The Muppet Show]
Australian Slang. McDonald's.
miser's remorse
n. a sense of guilt and/or regret for delaying the purchase of something, often at a discounted price, until it is no longer available at that price or not available at all. [antonym of buyer's remorse]
(ny-gran-thee-uhn) adj. brilliant, but with a dark streak: Neil Gaiman is a very nigranthian writer. [< Latin nigr- black + -anth- (?) + -ian; coined elsewhere, but used with permission and subsequently "donated" to erstwhile Winnipeg theatre group The Conspiracy Network]
--nigranthiance n.
nouveau gauche
adj. literally, the New Left; a fictional art movement, fashion trend, etc., used to sound as if one is making an artsy comment: That outfit is so nouveau gauche, I love it! [< French nouveau riche + gauche, deriv. nouvelle vague and similar terms]
1. adj. literally, "after the present time;" a fictional movement in the arts or literature rejecting or reacting to the present: Little feather, light and airy/Very post-contemporary. [deriv. postmodern]
2. adj. futuristic, but still similar to the present: Connie Willis usually writes her stories in a post-contemporary setting.
Prince of Thieves Syndrome
n. a mishmash of accents in a film, esp. a recent American one, which has an exotic or foreign setting, e.g. First Knight, The Man in the Iron Mask; can be abbreviated POTS, as in the stew of dialects one is forced to witness in such films.
n. one who studies and/or writes fictional history, esp. one who compiles fictional chronologies or fictional timelines as featured at The History of Things That Never Were. [< Greek pseudo- + historian; deriv. in part from pseudohistorical, a genre of stories in the Doctor Who franchise]
--pseudohistory n. the study of fictional history based on the critical examination of narrative sources; the analysis and documentation of events in a fictional universe.
adj. easy to run one's hand through, like warm sand: My hair feels nice and sandy today.
adj. a state of extreme inebriation beyond being "merely" smashed or hammered: Pounding back all those shots is how you got so schlammered last night.
n. snowy slush (or slushy snow, if you will), esp. that which can be found in Winnipeg every spring and autumn. [sn(ow + sl)ush]
n. a gestalt assembly of people made up of smaller groups of friends; generally gathered together for a social purpose, such as a movie outing: Going to Attack of the Clones just wouldn't've been the same without the übergroup. [< German über over/about + group, deriv. Nietzsche's Übermensch and subsequent English variants]
adj. not working properly; malfunctional; used only in describing inanimate objects, esp. machines: My computer screen was acting wonky again today. [malfunctional isn't a "real" word, either]

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Although I appreciate your ability to put a positive spin on potential disaster, I think you should allow for the possibility of success.
Depression Logic (see above) can often lead people to build up elaborate rationalisations for how and why a particular endeavour won't work--while also simultaneously offering reasons why this is somehow a desirable outcome. I came up with this expression around 2002 to persuade those people to consider equally plausible positive results in the midst of such thinking.
A man with a mission must set out with the determination to succeed or he will find himself with nothing but a bad record.
I made this one up in junior high, to help me gather the courage to ask someone out. I needed something that sounded inspirational, and this seemed like the sort of thing one might find in Bartlett's Familiar Quotations or as a dedication at the beginning of a book. Now, I use it as a reminder not to let my projects go unfinished.
A solicited compliment is no compliment at all.
Fishing for compliments is an understandable human impulse, especially when one needs reassurance or validation, but having to ask for something nice to be said about you can deprive those very compliments of their intended effect. This is the reason why an unsolicited compliment from a total stranger (who presumably has no stake in making you feel better) can sometimes be more meaningful than one from those close to you.
Confusion is the best aphrodisiac.
I also made this up in junior high. I'm not quite sure what it means...and man, does that ever turn me on.
Do you want the truth or a convenient lie?
This is my response to people who ask me certain personal questions, especially when their perception of me might change based on the answer. "A convenient lie" is usually what they would want to hear as an answer.
Hey, all you need's an alabaster.
This expression came from a conversation I had with some friends of mine on the subject of pregnancy and artificial insemination. What I meant to say was, "Hey, all you need's a turkey baster," but this came out instead. Now, I tend to say it in response to someone else's malapropism.
I'm a barrel full of contradictions.
Life is full of paradoxes, and I'm one of them. People in general live their lives with any number of beliefs that are internally inconsistent, and saying this is my way of acknowledging that my own personality and philosophy, like anyone's, is riddled with such conflicting viewpoints.
It's Star Trek. By definition, it's good.
This was my rejoinder to a classmate's criticism of Star Trek: Generations in November of 1994. Forgetting about the fact that she hadn't seen the movie yet (and how that film actually turned out), that was a period in my life when I thought Star Trek could do no wrong. Now, this is my half-joking comeback to anyone's criticism of the franchise...after all, this is still Star Trek we're talking about here.
Perfection in a glass.
This is just another way of saying that something is excellent in some way--a really good movie, for example, or a win-win situation. Although it sounds like it describes a drink, it can be used for anything (yes, including good drinks), and is sometimes preceded by, "Ahhh."
That reminds me of my days as a steel drum player in Jamaica...
This is what I tell someone who has just told me a particularly unusual story which bears no relation whatsoever to my life, since I have no standard reply to offer. Strangely enough, my deadpan delivery has actually led some people to ask me about my days as a steel drum player in Jamaica...
Would you want me to be anything less than completely fresh?
I made this up on a trip to Montréal in February of 1997, in response to my friend's criticisms that I take too long getting ready to go out. Other people have made the same comment since, so I give them the same reply.
You have a trustworthy font.
For the most part, I have never met the people I associate with online, so I haven't seen their faces nor heard their voices in person. I write this to them as a facetious reassurance that I still find them honest and reliable, since I often have only their text to rely upon. There are some variations: "long time no type" and "talking in a certain tone of font" are fairly common ones, for example.

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Smack Dab in the Middle of the Blue
For out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks. arphaxad@mts.net